Can you tell us a bit about your experience with postnatal depression and anxiety?

I have always been very ambitious, always seeking growth opportunities in my career. So, I very naively thought I would have a baby, and simply return to my normal role and life. I was wrong, very wrong!

I had my dream job at Macquarie Bank, a role I thrived in until I reached the career crossroad that is motherhood.

In 2016 I had my daughter, and when she was 5 months old, I fell pregnant with my son. I went back to work full time when I was 20 weeks pregnant, and I cried most days having to separate from my baby before I felt ready.

After 8 weeks of this, I attempted to resign, and my manager sent me back on maternity leave round 2. He said I will always have a job to return to in any capacity I wanted. At only 28 weeks pregnant, 8 weeks after returning from maternity leave, I went back on maternity leave.

From the moment I gave birth to my son, my anxiety was debilitating. Small tasks completely overwhelmed me. Every activity required intense mental preparation, or I could not get myself moving. When my son was 3 months old, a close friend of mine lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. Here I further crashed into a deep, state of depression. My self-worth was low, and I realised how much I had attached my worth to being successful in my career. I lost my appetite and became severely underweight, and this went on for years. I spent every day at the gym, as it was the only place I could easily bring myself to separate from my kids for a couple of hours. I sought help through the GP, and I started seeing a Psychologist, who diagnosed me with PND and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. The therapy was ok, but it was not enough, and I decided to try medication. The first medication worsened my symptoms, and it was at this point I was unsure how I was going to go on living like this. I was always high functioning and a loving mum to my babies, even through my darkest days, but the inner turmoil was truly excruciating. If it was not for my kids keeping me going every day, I am not sure I would have gotten through that period. I ended up finding a medication that worked, and it is what pulled me out of a big hole, enough so that I could work on my mindset with a clear head. I would read through all the recovery stories on the Gidget website daily, as it was the only thing that gave me any hope that one day I might recover. It otherwise felt like a nightmare that I felt like I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

How did PNDA impact your life and career?

Everything I thought I knew about my future career was out the window. I desperately needed to go back to work for my mental health, but I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my babies. I had a deep longing to further my career in a way that would come secondary to my time with my kids.

I knew I had to forge a new path, and I asked my best friend (Elle) if she would like to quit her marketing career to start a mortgage broking business with me. She said yes… and this is where my recovery really began.

Client by client we started building our business. I could work with my kids around, and I started filling my cup with something that made me feel like my old self. By the time my son was 3, I felt as though I had almost fully recovered. At this point we bravely decided to have a third baby. Of course, I was terrified that I was going to go throw myself back into the clutches of PNDA. I went off the medication a month prior to falling pregnant and I coped…. I had my 3^rd baby…. And I coped. I waited for it to hit…. And it never did, which I am so grateful for. I genuinely believe this business was the reason I was able to recover in full, and by working through my post natal phase of my third baby, I was able to keep my mind busy and I managed to get through this time without any mental health concerns or medication.

What made you decide to start your own business?

My PNDA was 100% the catalyst behind the launch of this business, and it feels very strange to say I feel so grateful to have experienced it. I do always say, that if it was not for having my kids I would never in a million years, have left Macquarie. I love working but after becoming a mother, I never wanted it to be a priority over my parenting experience. My concept of success has changed so much over these years. Success to me now, is being able to grow this business while being around for my family. I am available for all the parent things; drop offs and pickups, carnivals, assemblies, and after school activities. It is not easy to squeeze work into such reduced hours, but with the support of our team we can do it without any element of guilt. I have friends still in the corporate world and the juggle is exponentially harder, when you are expected to do your 37.5 hours per week whilst trying to simultaneously juggle these activities that are part and parcel of being a parent.

Why did you choose to partner with The Gidget Foundation specifically?

We decided to support this foundation off the back of my experience, which was genuinely one of the most difficult times of my life. As someone who has fortunately completely come out the other side, who went on to have a third child and did not suffer third time around, I want to support women and give them hope that they too can recover, and that one day they will return to feeling like themselves again. It is hard to describe how debilitating this is unless you have been through it, and we want to help both via sharing my story and by offering ongoing financial support for the foundation. I feel so very lucky to have recovered, and I want to make a difference to others going through it.

What advice would you give to other women who are struggling with PNDA?

Take the first steps to see the GP, seek out help from the Gidget Foundation, lean on friends and family as much as you can for short breaks here and there from the relentlessness of being a new parent. If you have a partner, ensure they are carrying some of the load for you and allowing you time to yourself. Join a gym with a creche, catch up with friends, stay connected with people as much as you can. Embrace therapy and medication, finding the right therapist and medication to get you through the worst of it is so incredibly helpful. Not all medications and therapists may work for you, so don’t be deterred to try other options if it is not overly helping. Hypnotherapy, and Mindset coaching were a huge help to me too. Lastly, do not give up hope. Recovery may feel unimaginable for you, but I promise you will feel better, reading the Gidget Angel stories of recovery were so valuable to me on my darkest days as they gave me glimmers of hope.